Guilt is just another form of our system sustaining the status quo and while it's super easy to read online that "self care isn't selfish" that doesn't actually address the core problem or help create a solution.

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When stress comes into our lives we lose function to the prefrontal cortex, this part of the brain really controls a lot of our inner thoughts and feelings. The information doesn't just dwindle and go away however it gets moved to different areas of the system where we often have reactive behaviors or simply lose track of what's going on in life or what to do about it.
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For myself there's a different factor that I start to recognize when this happens, it's disconnection and often times I don't see myself doing it. I can see it more now after doing years of work on this but before this work it would just be, space, distance, silence and often wasn't until someone finally said something that I'd be able to come back to my body.
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These are the moments we don't talk a lot about in mental health. What it really looks like, this is the subtle way we lose our spark, the subtle way we lose our connection to ourselves.
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​Use guilt as a guide, not another layer of a trigger.

When guilt shows up it's easy to get wrapped up in the mess of our thoughts and just push away from it as fast as possible. That light, jumpy feeling to many of us get when just try to lay down for 20 minutes on a Wednesday or Saturday. Brought on immediately by guilt and shame.
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We want peace but end up getting chaos. This isn't because something is wrong or broken in you. It's because these patterns and emotions are practiced. We got good at them over time so getting bad at them.
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However with emotions they're not just thrown away, or replaced. They need to be transmuted and integrated into our life. This is what I mean when I say, use guilt as a guide. It's because it is. It's pointing us to what's underneath it.
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On the other side of guilt is the self abandonment of our own needs. We throw, dismiss and lose respect for what we need in order to provide what keeps us alive.
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I get this part and if you're in survival mode, I understand the logic loop in your head as well. The story that if we abandon what's keeping us alive, patterns, people, circumstances that we won't ever be able to just make it.
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The truth of the matter is that as long as we starve ourselves for self care and self love meeting our own needs the deeper we pattern our lack of respect for our own needs, wants and desires. This pattern is not easily undone as so many of us know.
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​👉 Here's how to get started today.
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​Schedule and certainty are one of the most important systems we can put into our lives. It gives us the ability to better know what to expect as know what feelings are going to get tagged along with them.
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I recommend doing at least 3 days of small amounts of self care during the week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday. For me that's slow showers and low stimulation settings in the morning or at sunset.
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Then comes the weekend, I always recommend you find some kind of low stimulation time just for you. Now the stories are going to try to surface up and tell you just about anything they can about why that's not possible. Don't ignore them but challenge them instead, we need to make a different relationship with the stories.
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✅ Finally, don't run from the guilt. The cognitive and emotional energy it takes to suppress emotions and shove them down is massive. Instead give yourselves the ability to relate to them, acknowledge them and maybe throw the thoughts into a journal.
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Remember this process isn't a silver bullet. It will take time and patience but you got it.
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Slow and steady wins the race.
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​Need more accountability?
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​If you're like me and need more support working through some of these patterns our burnout cohort would be a perfect match. It's designed for busy people who are struggling to get grounded is habits, routines and rediscovery of who they are.
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We use biometrics to help us review our data, understand our patterns and make lasting change.
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If you're curious about that process and how it can support you please apply below and we can get this conversation started.
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​Apply Here
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Have an amazing Monday!
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Dr. Chris Lee